By: Vincent Wu

First dates gravitate towards dinner, but why?

Whenever I’m with my friends and they have to plan out a first date, their first instinct is getting dinner.

Why, though? There are a bunch of other things people could do, like arcades, exploring a museum, escape rooms, thrifting, and the list goes on.

There are so many ideas when it comes to dates, why are going to restaurants the de-facto idea?

Some throw away answers would be like, oh it shows how my date treats waiters, it’s something I need to do anyways, and it’s really easy to extend the activity to be post dinner or end it right away.

I want to do a deeper dive though and ask, on an emotional level, why dinner?

My answer to this is that dinner, and in general meals, are one of the last spaces that force people to pay attention to a person and drop all else. There is no particular goal besides learning from one another.

Earlier, when I listed out events people could do for dates, they all have a goal that isn’t just to know the other person. It’s to win points, explore the art, escape the room, and buy new clothes.

While yes, they’re very good ways to get to know another person, they also allow a scapegoat for people to not interact with one another and get to know about one another.

Dinner though? You can learn a lot about someone’s values and their characteristics.

One such example is how your date treats waiters. If the meals get messed up, what is their reaction? Calm, and understanding, or would it be angry and loud?

You can also see if they’re vengeful. This is an interesting one, because when it comes to tips, most people will give about 18-20% as tip. Some people, based on if the food order was messed up/incorrect, will actually reduce their tip because of that. I think this just hints towards their belief that this reduced tip is a get back at the restaurant/waiter for messing up their food.

Another thing you can learn, and what I think is a lot more meaningful, is how willing is the other person to learn about you.

Getting dinner forces intimacy. But that intimacy isn’t awkward, its calculated. You’ll know how to react.

This can be shown by how often your date is on their phone. Are they constantly on their phone on the date? If so, it’s probably their escape from the situation. Whether it be that they’re not enjoying the conversation or that they’re really nervous about the date and aren’t sure what to do, you’ll have an idea of what to do next.

Whether it be to shorten the meal’s duration or even start planning how you might be able to extend it, you have the knowledge and ability to adjust your plans based on the ‘calculated’ interest that person has in you, and act accordingly.

I think this sort of situation is highlighted very well at restaurants because each other’s presence is what will make or break that experience. There is no hiding behind an activity. If you’re not interested in the person, it’s hard to hide it.

It is you and your date. Face to face, and at times face to food. Either way, it will go really well or really poorly, but you’ll hopefully know there was no hiding in anyone’s interest in one another.

Something I found so nice is when I’m eating with someone, and we both put our phones away and just yap. This goes for when I’m eating with my friends, family, or on dates. From asking someone how their day was to learning more about their family and upbringing, all of this is something I’ve talked about over a span of a single meal.

Getting dinner with someone forces you to put all your attention on that person. Naturally, I would hope, you’d want to learn more about the person and have them learn about you. It also allows you to see if the other person wants to do the same though.

There are times they might be constantly asking questions, or constantly only providing answers. One feels like an interview and the other is like being an interviewer.

I’m looking for a life partner, not an interview partner now.

Being able to meet each other in that middle ground is magical though. It allows you the opportunity to learn about someone in a really in-depth impromptu manner, and allow them the same honor from you.

Food can unlock memories that someone has stored away, and it’s a privilege to be able to peer into someone’s world.